Condition Management Programme – Northern Ireland
I had to turn down THREE offers for an interview to prepare for this scheme, for twelve weeks, as my employment advisor said that I am not currently work-ready. However, I have other plans for my life. After heading across various places on Meetups and other trips, I guess I have to slow down. Not just for my health but also as I can no longer sustain my current lifestyle.
My only concern is the issue surrounding my benefits. I am only entitled to PIP – as it isn’t means tested – and this scheme used to be subject to means-tested benefits. God willing, they will have removed that precondition.
Also, I have plans for getting a cake for my brother’s thirtieth birthday. Watch this space.
I was advised last Wednesday – February 20 – by my Employment Advisor to take a break from looking for work. At the end of the day, she was vindicated. For so long, I had run myself to the ground looking for work left, right and centre. But the last interview I had – February 18 – didn’t materialise in an offer. Plus, it was work for a company whose work makes me feel uncomfortable.
I plan to resume painting. Watch this space. Also, I am undergoing counselling. Getting used to self-care.
My Mental Health issues allowed me to soak up all the negative s**t that TV and my society offered. Several times, I saw black people and had the urge to shout ‘The N-Word’ – or other derogatory terms for them – as that was the first thing that entered my head. I wasn’t racist. It was just the sign of a confused child not knowing how things are in the big wide world.
At University and my work placement in Dublin, I went out of my way to be friendly with coloured people. While, deep down inside, I was hearing, “Go back to your own country!” Then, I allow myself punishment for those thoughts.
In Ireland, racist obseneties are everywhere. However, we got away with most of it because we played the ‘Thick Mick’ stereotype well. But now, our conutry has the same issues with identity and immigration as others. The reality of economic development.
Now, I wish that Mental Health isn’t portrayed as whiter-than-white. Rather, it should be portrayed as human. With human failings. Also, why bring up the issue with racism in Football now whenever these issues had been ongoing for over forty years? It has been raised at a delicate moment whenever issues of identity are first-and-foremost.
Thank God ‘Home Alone’ was made in 1990
or else Kevin would be eating the Tide he bought
while his parents’ items were sought
by two incompetent thieves!
Generation Y kept the change
while on the way to Deansgrange
I anticipated the childhood experiences I never had then!
Buses to Belfast, Dublin and Dun Laoghaire
while the rest of the country got lairy
I watched a Christmas Classic!
Now it’s almost 2019
it’s Uber’s time
to get me on my way back
negotiating freezing fog to be home alone!
Source of GIF Dee Kay Kwon
Christmas was quiet but enjoyable. I did get to see Home Alone at Dun Laoghaire Theatre’s Cinema Screen; reminiscing about the ‘Good Old Days’ prior to the Internet and 9/11. I even thought of a sonnet based on a joke I had created saying that if Kevin was a kid today he would eat the Tide that he bought. 🙂
New Year, same old me. 🙂 But I lost weight over the Christmas period. Now that I’m ‘Back to Porridge’, I am tempted to rationalise eating junk again to ‘celebrate’ my weight loss over the Christmas Period. My mind and I belong together. 🙂
This morning – Tuesday, January 08 – I had registered with another recruitment agency. Keep on plodding along. Plus, I applied for what seems like a role too good to be true in Cookstown. If it isn’t what it says on the tin, so be it.
My friend who painted my walls and ceilings did my guttering this morning while I was away in Portadown. That’s another load off my mind. I know that things will work out in 2019 if I ignore all the hullabaloo over ‘Armageddon’ following Brexit, lol.
Tunes: (and more)
I’ll be on my own this Christmas. However, I’m content with that. Though, I may visit my friend from the art class and have a good chat. But isolation is a major issue for me. Solitude is more than a Soccer Ground in North Belfast. 🙂
My job ended on Thursday – 20 December – and, in a surreal manner, I’m mourning the loss of that job more than I mourned the loss of my gran. Though it doesn’t compare to whenever I lost my mum. I did such a stellar effort in the job I feel that whenever I’m onto a winner, some spanner is placed in the works. Such is life.
Tomorrow, I head to Dublin as the Pavilion Theatre in Dun Laoghaire is screening the original Home Alone Movie. I have NEVER seen it prior, not even on TV. This is inner child work for me. 🙂
I have come to accept modern Christmases. The family separation, the crass consumerism, the sudden dip in form for Arsenal. 😉 It’s as if life on life terms makes us more philosophical.