Dissociating

Posted on by gizzajob

I have disassociated throughout this evening. After thinking of the case, in Ardoyne, where a Mentally-Ill mum stabbed her baby boy to death – her two-year-old daughter is in Intensive Care – and hearing that the Covid spike in Belfast cancelled the Cancer Ward, I felt numb and helpless. Not to mention trying to get a more expensive Giffgaff Goodybag; to get more value for Data.

The NHS site for Dissociative Disorder mentioned Eating Disorders, PTSD and Additional Stress. I may vouch for all three, off the bat. From my own experience, I depended on a Food Bank on Monday; since then, compulsively having bowls of Coco Pops.

Dystopian Tunes:

Parkinson’s Law

Posted on by gizzajob

“Work expands to meet the deadline!” (Definition of Parkinson’s Law)

I find that my schedule has fitted in naturally. Now that I don’t pressurise myself to get up early, run my errands in my own time.

The places of worship will reopen, in Northern Ireland, this Friday. Yay! I feel that there is something to look forward to. When all around me go stir crazy, I can enjoy the serenity of my own space.

Shame about the young woman who was stabbed by her partner – a drug-addict, who also stabbed his mum. I may have known her, whenever she was younger, from an Internet Café in East Belfast. There’s a special place in Hell for the stabber.

The new car is going well. It feels liberating to drive a decent-looking car.

Letting Go of the Outcomes

Posted on by gizzajob

I feel that letting go of the need to search for jobs left, right and centre has paid off; in the end.

I got a new car last Wednesday. And, this Friday, my brother and I will be signing a probate oath; at least I assume it will be the resolution of the Probtae following gran’s death. Then, more money will arrive.

The family home and land are sold. But I have about four or five months before I have to move. Less stress. 🙂

Also, the PIP re-application arrived at the Office on Monday morning. The form was filled last Thursday. It will take a week to register on the system. But they extended the deadline to ease the backlog of cases and applications.

Feeling better. My sensory overloads over the past few weeks drove me insane. Now, I’m having more me time.

Tunes:

Kids with Autism

Posted on by gizzajob

I was on a Discord Server for those with Autism, and I feel really bad about how kids are; these days. They’re unable to sleep, as well as obsessing about all the nonsense of these days. Not to mention the support for the vaccine. However, I can only focus on myself. I can’t change others.

On a more positive note, I bought a new laptop over the weekend. The rest of the bond money came on Friday morning. Alas, I can only afford a Windows laptop. Such is life.

This week, I will be focusing on the PIP re-application. I fear the future, but appreciate the present. It’s all about proceeding with caution. Just like turning left or right at the end of the road.

Trying to avoid the news

Posted on by gizzajob

The news, even Social Media, is freaking me out. I, genuinely, believe we’re in Dante’s Inferno. However, I can only change myself. No more attempts to save the World; while still going to McDonald’s and Starbucks! (j/k)

I feel a bit bland. Having set myself challenges for 2020; the past eleven months have turned everything upside down. God will sort me out. There’s no one else to turn to.

Poem – I don’t want to wear a mask!

The Golden Circle of Ocean Colour Scene

Politicians talking one for the team

Won’t end until there’s a Vaccine!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

Expressing solidarity

with Ruby, Jenny and AP

Twelve hour shift, but only lasted three!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

I want to remember the Holy Child!

It’s a hard, but worthy, task

Manchester and London reconciled!

A bypass full of dense fog

Thinking of an infected Sprog!

Punk by nature, but playing Prog!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

They said that my leader is a whore

While sorting out the de-gown chore!

Left me breathless, contact Jim Corr!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

I’m not riding a peleton bike!

Coffee in a Tim Horton’s flask

Turning me into David Icke!

Couldn’t fit the suit, due to my groin!

Too fond of a sirloin

And a perfect pass by De Bruyne!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

No more open pubs

To hear the bitching about the Dubs!

Davy Crockett, but without Tubbs!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

It’s a cartoon from the eighties!

Too much wealth Monegasque

Sent over to fix Haïti!

A lifetime with Autism!

The Reformation and the Great Schism!

The world’s now just one huge prison!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

Looking for work? They don’t care!

We all now have to do our own hair

‘Cause the Kingmakers are all on Welfare!

I don’t want to wear a mask!

Stimming on a Zoom Meeting

Posted on by gizzajob

I was hosting a Zoom meeting this afternoon; and two women PMd me to turn off my camera function, due to them seeing me stim on screen. One of them thought I was eating an earthworm. 🙂 (I was using an elastic band)

No quiz for me tonight; an early one, as I only had five hours sleep last night. I am still borrowing my friend’s laptop; he’s my support bubble. Also, I feel exhausted after so long online. I was on Skype almost two hours just because a female friend wanted to put on her lashes while we’re on Skype. (Bless)

I won a Games Night last night on Zoom; run by WAVE in Belfast. My team had a stroke of good luck on the first game. Then I knew the title of a Seventies song; after a muffled rendition of it. (‘Daydream Believer’ by the Monkees)

There may be a mouse breaking the curfew. 🙂 My brother and I helped set the trap; to catch him.

Remember Parkinson’s Law – “Work expands to meet the deadline.”

Training Day

Posted on by gizzajob

“For a Play to become successful, there has to be bad luck beforehand!” (Orson Welles)

Today, I went through the training session in the assecioning role at the Covid lab in Randox. The work itself seems simple enough. However, life in the major obstacle.

  1. I arrived three hours early due to my anxiety levels being through the roof.
  2. I found it well-nigh impossible to pay attention to the class. The demonstration and practice runs were Godsends.
  3. I was lost at the main car park; trying to find my car – parked elsewhere. Had it not been for my walking-stick, I would have fallen and broken my spine. (insurance mightn’t have covered me) It’s probably part of my autism; digging ones toes in when walking due to sensitive feet.
  4. The roads are frosty, and my local roads wouldn’t be gritted. I’m learning new driving skills as I go along, but the longer I drive the more nervous I become. (I can’t afford to make a claim)

Living in the moment can be a thankless task for myself. But I have an understanding group of people on my side.

Growth Comfort

Posted on by gizzajob

I heard an expression on a Zoom conference on Tuesday, which resonated with me. “Comfort doesn’t exist in the growth zone! Growth doesn’t exist in the comfort zone!”

My Slimming World online subscription expired today. Then I went to a class – weigh-in only – to check the aftermath of Lockdown eating. I gained SIXTEEN pounds. From being 20 Stone 0.5 Pounds, I’m now 21 Stone 2.5 Pounds. However, I needed that kick up the Arse. Even though the drive to-and-from Brackaville was a nightmare.

Next week, I have a job interview in Belfast. I can ask the interviewers if there is a possibility of transferring to a more regional location if I do a good enough job there. It’s for Shopmobility. God willing, Lockdown in Northern Ireland will end tomorrow. The Executive decide tonight. A haircut and shave next Tuesday afternoon depends on it.

Sensory overloads are taking place quite regularly now. However, music is my best therapy. Plus, I’m on a Discord group for Adults with Autism.

Black Friday tomorrow. My brother and I have to run an errand together in Cookstown. Hopefully, my sleep will be good.

One piece of good news, I found my parcel box. I left it at the shop where the Post Office was. Everything’s fine now.

I feel better; after a day of panic.

Tunes:

Going crazy

Posted on by gizzajob

I feel that yesterday was a pivotal moment in my life. On Tuesday night, I had ZERO sleep. Then I only had a forty-minute nap. Then I went berserk; after heading to a friend’s place to borrow his laptop (my MacBook Pro has a damaged charger, and I can’t afford a replacement, yet) and I was about to go on a rampage.

My complementary therapist recommended Magnesium supplements for my sleep. I got that. Also, I went to a chemist and got elderberry tablets. For £14.99! (WTF?)

I am putting in so much effort for so little return. How much longer must this continue?

Tunes: