I was just after mowing my lawn. The sweat is running off me, now. Plus, it’s more of a sense of duty rather than enthusiasm. Yesterday, I attended a gardening class. However, I can no longer attend that class because I was sexually drawn to a young volunteer who began yesterday. Plus, the Pilates didn’t work out as I couldn’t juxtapose the breathing and the motion.
I saw ‘Rocketman’ last Sunday afternoon in Belfast. Good film. Although the Gay Sex scenes made me feel uncomfortable. However, I was glad I went.
Now, I have just three weeks left of my Condition Management Programme. I am weighing my options afterwards. My preferred choice is Mencap as they have a centre in Magherafelt, they do an Employability scheme, and I bumped into a Mencap employee by pure chance back in February during a night out in Belfast. It’s funny how the Lord conspires to assist. 😉
My Mental Health issues allowed me to soak up all the negative s**t that TV and my society offered. Several times, I saw black people and had the urge to shout ‘The N-Word’ – or other derogatory terms for them – as that was the first thing that entered my head. I wasn’t racist. It was just the sign of a confused child not knowing how things are in the big wide world.
At University and my work placement in Dublin, I went out of my way to be friendly with coloured people. While, deep down inside, I was hearing, “Go back to your own country!” Then, I allow myself punishment for those thoughts.
In Ireland, racist obseneties are everywhere. However, we got away with most of it because we played the ‘Thick Mick’ stereotype well. But now, our conutry has the same issues with identity and immigration as others. The reality of economic development.
Now, I wish that Mental Health isn’t portrayed as whiter-than-white. Rather, it should be portrayed as human. With human failings. Also, why bring up the issue with racism in Football now whenever these issues had been ongoing for over forty years? It has been raised at a delicate moment whenever issues of identity are first-and-foremost.