My Mental Health issues allowed me to soak up all the negative s**t that TV and my society offered. Several times, I saw black people and had the urge to shout ‘The N-Word’ – or other derogatory terms for them – as that was the first thing that entered my head. I wasn’t racist. It was just the sign of a confused child not knowing how things are in the big wide world.
At University and my work placement in Dublin, I went out of my way to be friendly with coloured people. While, deep down inside, I was hearing, “Go back to your own country!” Then, I allow myself punishment for those thoughts.
In Ireland, racist obseneties are everywhere. However, we got away with most of it because we played the ‘Thick Mick’ stereotype well. But now, our conutry has the same issues with identity and immigration as others. The reality of economic development.
Now, I wish that Mental Health isn’t portrayed as whiter-than-white. Rather, it should be portrayed as human. With human failings. Also, why bring up the issue with racism in Football now whenever these issues had been ongoing for over forty years? It has been raised at a delicate moment whenever issues of identity are first-and-foremost.
This evening I attended an art exhibition of paintings done by my colleagues at the art class in Moneymore. It was at Lissan House; the Stately Home I was looking to volunteer at from next week on. I wasn’t 100% sure of the driveway and was getting anxious and nervous passing through the forest. However, I got there safely. Low and behold, the office manager I will be talking to on Monday morning greeted me at the door and is a daughter of my art Teacher. Small world. 🙂
I got to speak to my friends, as well as a guy from Stewartstown who’s a distant cousin on neghbours of the relative I regularly visit. It was great to be visible in that way. I even found out that one of the class’ organisers is a great-grandmother and she is barely above sixty.
Great to have made myself present and hopefully have made a good first impression; first impressions count.
Takuma Sato won the Indy 500. Fernando Alonso’s engine gave up the ghost with about thirty laps to go. Scott Dixon and Jay Howard must be the luckiest men alive after their collision.
Tomorrow is a Bank Holiday here. No Memorial Day, that’s in November, but I can prepare for Tuesday’s interview like a student doing last minute revision.
I am ready to hit the hay.
Today I didn’t visit gran, but sent a WhatsApp message to her cleaner who said she is awful tired. God love gran, she’s 91 now and age has finally caught up with her.
Today I bought groceries at Lidl, a day after lending £15 to my brother; he promises to pay me back on Friday. These past few days have been male equivalents of a bad hair day.
Finally bought Bowie’s last album on iTunes; didn’t wanna buy it too soon after his death due to possible accusations of being a johnny-come-lately. After buying Radiohead’s new album last Monday, I feel that I am compensating for my lack of avant garde taste when I was in School; when I was a puerile fan of U2 and Oasis. 🙂
Went for a meal out today. Had a pork pie, gluten free crisps and a cup of tea. Champion! 🙂
Today I received a letter from the Victims and Survivors Service offering me £500 worth of reimbursements for trips, complementary therapies, etc. However, I emailed them this morning to let them know I would much prefer a cheque for £500 to keep me ticking for the time being.
Also, my Family has money lying dormant in the South. It’s a huge wrangling trying to sort it out with the Revenue Commission down South. However, my ex Landlady from Dublin is friendly with a Barrister from Dublin who may be able to help me in that situation; God willing.
Went for a walk and picked up the rubbish. No one seems to give a s**t anymore about these things. Makes me appreciate what I was taught at School.
Good News and Bad News. (Bad News comes first)
- Our Government voted in favour of Air Strikes in Syria. (will we ever see through America?)
- I am struggling to avoid nibbling before I get my next Jobseeker’s payment, so I can buy other stuff.
- I overheard an argument at a Phone Conference today which triggered me.
- Mark Zuckerberg; the bane of my Browsing since 2009; is ‘giving away’ his wealth to charity. (usual vanity from the Super-Rich)
- I had a wonderful Christmas Lunch today.
- I got back in contact with an old Online Buddy from Texas; albeit from getting his Cell number through Facebook.
- I was chatting to a friend from Ardboe who now lives at The Loup.
- I managed to submit an application for a Job using my Hotmail email account; after my FastMail account was rejected for ‘security’ reasons. (make of that what you wish)
I’m trying to let all this settle, but we can’t reason with others. 😦