I have disassociated throughout this evening. After thinking of the case, in Ardoyne, where a Mentally-Ill mum stabbed her baby boy to death – her two-year-old daughter is in Intensive Care – and hearing that the Covid spike in Belfast cancelled the Cancer Ward, I felt numb and helpless. Not to mention trying to get a more expensive Giffgaff Goodybag; to get more value for Data.
The NHS site for Dissociative Disorder mentioned Eating Disorders, PTSD and Additional Stress. I may vouch for all three, off the bat. From my own experience, I depended on a Food Bank on Monday; since then, compulsively having bowls of Coco Pops.
Being an Aspie – taking a ‘Career Break’ (lol) – I feel isolated. Friday was thirty years – to the night – since my father died in the Troubles. I ended up with a case of ‘poor-me-syndrome’ that night. However, I am grateful that I can focus on myself and helping others.
Yesterday evening, the Christmas Lights were switched on in Ardboe. It was full of parents and kids – with ‘Free Food’ (though, not in the Slimming World context, lol), and I felt isolated. In the end, a man I know – who was buying cigarettes from himself at the shop brought me home. I didn’t even get to see Santa, or the lights switched on. Such is life.
Yesterday morning, I was up since 3:45 am and was making chicken for my slow cooker at 5:10 am. The 1978 vintage gave up the ghost; there was smoke coming out of it. In the end, I ordered a new slow cooker online from Argos; at 6:20 am. The delivery arrived this afternoon; at 4:30 pm, and now the bird is stewed. 🙂
This coming Wednesday, there’s a Christmas Shopping Trip in Belfast I’ll attend. I plan to buy a gift for an online friend, and buy lights for my tree; I’ll put up the tree next Sunday. Most of the decorations were purchased on Friday at Home Bargains in Cookstown. I was with my neighbour and her five-year-old granddaughter. She’s a bright little girl, but she turned my brain into spaghetti.
Also, on Friday night, I attended a prayer vigil for the young man from Ballinderry, who’s critically ill in intensive care at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast. Not the news one wants to hear at Christmas time.
This morning, the electricity was off. I failed to realise about the furnace switch until I was wondering why the bled radiators weren’t omitting heat. I’m learning as I go along. 🙂
Yesterday, I was at a Christian Café in Stewartstown and heard Schizophrenic voices in my head; saying, “Hail Satan!” My friend from Desertmartin says it’s a reaction to the change in medication – raising my Citalopram to 30 mg – while my Key Worker says it’s the effect of stress. I reckon it’s both.
Today, I feel better. Prayer and outreach do help issues pass. Lifeline Helpline is a Godsend for me.
I bought a free-range chicken on Thursday, at the butcher with a 10% off discount through the voucher from my Slimming World group, and have the bird in my slow cooker until roughly 1 pm today. However, I gained two pounds in the past weigh-in.
Later, today, I will visit my neighbour. While Ireland faces the All-Blacks in less than an hour in the Rugby Union World Cup Quarter-Final. I reckon we’ll beat them, but get walloped by England in the Semi-Final; I tipped England to win the whole thing before the tournament began. 😀
I’ll be on my own this Christmas. However, I’m content with that. Though, I may visit my friend from the art class and have a good chat. But isolation is a major issue for me. Solitude is more than a Soccer Ground in North Belfast. 🙂
My job ended on Thursday – 20 December – and, in a surreal manner, I’m mourning the loss of that job more than I mourned the loss of my gran. Though it doesn’t compare to whenever I lost my mum. I did such a stellar effort in the job I feel that whenever I’m onto a winner, some spanner is placed in the works. Such is life.
Tomorrow, I head to Dublin as the Pavilion Theatre in Dun Laoghaire is screening the original Home Alone Movie. I have NEVER seen it prior, not even on TV. This is inner child work for me. 🙂
I have come to accept modern Christmases. The family separation, the crass consumerism, the sudden dip in form for Arsenal. 😉 It’s as if life on life terms makes us more philosophical.