I just browsed an Academic Report on Autistic Burnout. My Burnout was caused by strenuous revision for School – so much effort, without ideal results – until I entered final year of University in 2000/01. Then the enthusiasm for study waned.
I still have structure issues, in my life, but the sale of my family Home and Land provided a suitable nest-egg. It’s living solvent FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE which I must focus on now. Again burnout after being on the computer; then having to tidy up my place.
During the Lockdown; I took plenty of supplements. I managed the madness well. But now, it’s possibly a sense of Survivor’s Guilt. Lockdown wasn’t completely foreign to me, but it did exacerbate my anxiety.
Adulthood in and out of Mental Health has got me to the stage where I need to surrender. My rationale is lowered by my irregular sleep patterns. Lockdown has thrown so much emotion at me, it’s hard to see if things will return to normal.
My life was ruined because I had the MMR jab as a baby. I don’t want the Vaccines shoved down parents’ throats. However, I do know that God will heal the land of those who repent of their sins. It’s an arduous process. But, hey – no pain, no gain.
In the Eighties, there were tv commercials here for an English Insurance company called Commercial Union – with a Citroën 2CV crashing down a cliff. Their buzzline was, “We won’t make a drama out of a crisis!” That’s my motto for Covid-19 survival. It’s not precisely ‘Fight Club,’ but I am better equipped for underground lifestyles than others.
I ended up having to apply for a tax book to get my car back on the road. And the guy I bought the car from will pay me back the £25 I had to pay – by postal order – to apply. Then, I spent the road tax online. As Benjamin Franklin said, “The only sure things in life are death and taxes!” 😐
Today, I drove to the Chemist in Coagh – to collect a repeat prescription- then withdrew cash at Ballinderry Post Office to last a week, or more. My local shops deliver to the homes – until now, I paid them either by bank transfer or PayPal. Tomorrow, I will get gloves and masks from The Hub in Cookstown, buy A4-sized picture frames at the Home Bargains beside there, and get photographs at a Chemist in Magherafelt- to renew my driving licence. (the one I have expires in June)
Today, I improvised the gloves and mask rules, wearing work gloves and a Jason Voorhees Hockey Mask for this afternoon’s errands. At least, I have a sense of humour. 🙂
The picture frame is for handwritten lyrics of an album track by Mansun – I paid the singer by PayPal. (Check out his solo work) Considering that Italians and Spaniards are singing from the balconies, I need musical therapy, too. 🙂
I was just after mowing my lawn. The sweat is running off me, now. Plus, it’s more of a sense of duty rather than enthusiasm. Yesterday, I attended a gardening class. However, I can no longer attend that class because I was sexually drawn to a young volunteer who began yesterday. Plus, the Pilates didn’t work out as I couldn’t juxtapose the breathing and the motion.
I saw ‘Rocketman’ last Sunday afternoon in Belfast. Good film. Although the Gay Sex scenes made me feel uncomfortable. However, I was glad I went.
Now, I have just three weeks left of my Condition Management Programme. I am weighing my options afterwards. My preferred choice is Mencap as they have a centre in Magherafelt, they do an Employability scheme, and I bumped into a Mencap employee by pure chance back in February during a night out in Belfast. It’s funny how the Lord conspires to assist. 😉
On Wednesday, I have a job interview with Deloitte in Belfast. Tomorrow, Monday, there is an introductory session prior to the interview process. I have learned to suit up, to show up, to grow up. After upsetting others on a Slack channel, I learned to back off and left that channel for the sake of all. I still have difficulty measuring moral and ethical barometers, part of my Asperger’s. But I am learning.
My PIP appeal is still ongoing. However, should I be accepted for the job, the training provided at first MUST be priority number one. This is probably the one opportunity I have been seeking. But, this morning, I scanned the documentation which arrived in yesterday’s, Saturday, mail and emailed it to Advice NI. It’s a contingency plan should I not get the job.
This afternoon I mowed the lawn. Chop wood, carry water.
Acceptance is the hardest thing to do, but acceptance DOES set you free. After a strenuous week of Meetups and chores, my employment advisor made me realise that I am PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of working full time. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I am managing okay, as it is, in my life.
Last Thursday I attended a Coffee event in Belfast run by Specialisterne. We explained to an organiser, originally from Seattle, that French Fries were Belgian and served to US Soldiers in WWI by Walloons. Net Neutrality was also discussed. Shame the Verizon Lobby won that vote. 😦
With one week to go until Christmas, I wanna take it easy until the new year. My brother came home last night and this afternoon I found out that his old mentor from the SUSE Program’s gran died during the weekend and I went over to the wake with a mass card. Thank God the weather this afternoon was mild. The road the wake was at is in the arsehole of nowhere.
Also, I thought of freelance writing as a career option. But that proved to be just another cosmetic expense. At the moment I wanna focus on being social and my artwork.
Ladt Friday I attended a painting session in Dun Laoghaire. On the train back to Portadown there was a guy with a Christmas Jumper saying, “Merry Chris-Marx!” Another Champagne Socialist in Ireland. lol
The weekend just past I took a cross-ferry coach from Belfast to Glasgow to see the Paul Draper gig at King Tut’s Wah-Wah Hut. The night before I left I only had two and a bit hours sleep and had a long day afterwards. On the coach from Cairnryan to Glasgow – en route to Edinburgh – I was sick on the twisty cliff roads heading to Ayr. I went to the toilet to be sick and lost my balance. The coach driver was pissed off at me – wondering why ‘A Grown Man’ would leave such a mess – but at Ayr a woman getting off there let me have the rest of her water bottle so I could get a Co-Codamol in me. That – plus frantic prayer – got me to Glasgow without barfing again.
The main issue was eating too much on the ferry. I had a fish supper, plus a few other nibbles. But on the way home I only ate a light breakfast; granola with yoghurt and milk plus a cappuccino. Also, I bought two bottles of water for Co-Codamols and I didn’t barf yesterday at all.
On the way over at Saturday morning, I spoke to a guy from Lisburn who is heading to Ayr to star in a pantomime. We had a good conversation about how the British mock our Northern Ireland accent whenever we head there. Also, I was talking to a couple from Leicester on the ferry to Cairnryan on Saturday and they met Mark Selby – the World Snooker Champion from Leicester – and showed me a picture of him on their phone.
Also, there were quite a few from Quebec who went on the same coach from Belfast on Saturday as me, then on the ferry back to Belfast, I spoke to another couple from Quebec who rented a car from London and were driving across Britain and Ireland. Plus I got to see the last twenty-odd minutes of the All-Ireland Final. Heartbreak for Mayo; what’s new?
The gig itself went well but left early due to having a long day. But getting sleep on Saturday night really lifted my mood on Sunday morning.
To see the Paul Draper gig at King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut – the infamous musical venue in the city owned by Alan McGhee where Oasis first cut their musical teeth. Of course, Mansun also played one of their earliest gigs there. It might end up being a pilgrimage for me. 🙂
I have booked a taxi to make me from my home to Tamnamore park-and-ride to get a bus to Belfast and then wait for the substitute bus to take me to the ferry to Cairnryan. Hopefully, my previous experience with that coach has prepared me better for this forthcoming journey.
I’ll miss seeing the All-Ireland Final, though, but on reflection perhaps Tyrone’s abject performance against Dublin a fortnight ago was a blessing in disguise. Ardboe plays in the Tyrone Championship this Saturday. Ripping over the fact I’ll have to miss it. Apparently, many of the Football fields in that region are unplayable. Perhaps?
Today (Saturday) was the first day of my new voluntary job. I was so eager in anticipation that I arrived over two hours early. The lady who runs the office said that was fine and I could start just whenever I arrived. There was a Teddy Bears’ Picnic event held at Lissan House for kids in the local area. It was good for my inner child.
The job itself went well. I completed a task in the two hours allotted that was meant to carry on next Saturday. The office manager was impressed. She said she was the the office until 3 am the night before. I actually woke up at 2:20 am in the morning as I crashed out at 5 pm yesterday.
Before that I was visiting a friend, originally from Ardboe, who lives in Magherafelt. Whenever I arrived she was in her room, but her two kids let me in and I got to talk to them and pat their pet dog; a female Jack Russell. Again, I’m glad to do all this because I never had a childhood growing up and felt that I missed out on so much.
Arsenal lost today. But, hey s**t happens! I have come to accept that we’re no longer capable of challenging for the Premiership Title.
I can perhaps take it easier tomorrow. On Thursday I went for a long drive to head to Newcastle in County Down. However eleven miles from the destination I thought, “Screw this!” and pulled into a shop/filling station outside Loughinisland and drove back. I headed via Ballynahinch and Hillsborough, but then lost my bearings trying to find the way to Moira and had to turn back after a wrong turn; was honked at twice by vehicles returning from work. In the end the road I was looking for was a slip road from the main Newry to Belfast road. Why do I keep punishing myself with this forced exercises when driving?
And that’s traditionally a sign that I will receive money. 🙂
Not only is there a possible job prospect, but there could be closure on the distribution of money that my gran had in the South of Ireland that me and my brother will discuss with our solicitor on Friday. And, also, my gran had life insurance with Royal Sun Alliance that I noticed in the bank statement that I requested to close.
No offers for marriage, please. I’m not gonna flash the cash; I’m no longer gullible. :p