My Mental Health issues allowed me to soak up all the negative s**t that TV and my society offered. Several times, I saw black people and had the urge to shout ‘The N-Word’ – or other derogatory terms for them – as that was the first thing that entered my head. I wasn’t racist. It was just the sign of a confused child not knowing how things are in the big wide world.
At University and my work placement in Dublin, I went out of my way to be friendly with coloured people. While, deep down inside, I was hearing, “Go back to your own country!” Then, I allow myself punishment for those thoughts.
In Ireland, racist obseneties are everywhere. However, we got away with most of it because we played the ‘Thick Mick’ stereotype well. But now, our conutry has the same issues with identity and immigration as others. The reality of economic development.
Now, I wish that Mental Health isn’t portrayed as whiter-than-white. Rather, it should be portrayed as human. With human failings. Also, why bring up the issue with racism in Football now whenever these issues had been ongoing for over forty years? It has been raised at a delicate moment whenever issues of identity are first-and-foremost.
On Tuesday morning, I received an email from Queen’s University in Belfast saying that they’re placing me on a twelve-month waiting list for available jobs. Not wholly there yet. But I’m within touching distance of work. 🙂
However, I found out yesterday from a friend in my art class that an old friend of mine; whom we both knew from the Beacon Centre in Cookstown, was found dead on Tuesday morning. Suspected suicide. That kinda knocked me off last night and I had a long sleep last night, until almost one this afternoon. Then I had to send a mass card to the Beacon Centre and they were away on a day out. I put it through the letterbox.
Also, I saw ‘The Meg’ on Tuesday evening in a Belfast Cinema with a Meetup group. Hooray for pippin. 🙂
Now, I have to feel my feelings. :S
I was conked out at 6:30 pm yesterday and slept until 12:40 am. It was one of those evenings that didn’t exist for me. But I am grateful for the internet to keep me occupied. W00t. 🙂
This morning I will be seeing the hygienist for my teeth. Then I have a dentist appointment on Friday morning; the two appointments are separate because I had initially prepared for the Cloud Academy I had an interview for a fortnight ago but didn’t get.
Also, on Monday I got a letter saying that our tax return form wasn’t submitted. I sorted that out yesterday. Also, I went to see my occupational therapist yesterday. But the appointment was for the eighteenth of AUGUST. My bad. 🙂
I have realised that we must all suffer at first to live a fulfilling life in the end. Diamonds are simply million year-old trees. It seems that artists in particular – be it painters, writers or creative types in general – have a pretty tempestuous life. But we come out stronger.
Yesterday I drove to Plumbridge as a trial run drive in preparation for a job I applied for to see if I would go for at least an interview. But I was going through a road past the Sperrins I had never been on before and was so consumed by fear; driving new places these past few years has been a forced exercise for me. But in the end, when heading back, I realised that driving on a road I wasn’t comfortable with for a part time job wouldn’t be worth it. The juice just isn’t worth the squeeze.
However, today, I went to the place in Magherafelt I used to live at and went gardening this morning and early afternoon. It was good to muck about with my old posse. I even heard from the gardening expert there that the soil contains serotonin. No wonder I felt better. 🙂
Now this evening I’m not attending the art class. I need to slow down the pace a bit. My uncle had a suspected heart attack and is in the Royal Hospital in Belfast. My health is my wealth, for now.
On Monday I left a negative review on Amazon for a DVD of SAGE accounts which didn’t arrive and I thought was another phantom purchase, only for the seller to call me yesterday morning. ‘Sam’ (who’s really an Indian Lady) mentioned that it was at Stewartstown Post Office – our local sorting office – so I went there and signed for the order. Then I got the software installed on my Windows 7 partition of my Dell Laptop.
All fine and dandy, until this afternoon when – in the middle of a cyber errand – Sam called me again. I was ratty and told her not to call me again in a fit of rage. In the end she messaged me requesting that I remove the negative review. I did that and sent a message of apologies. However, I promised a positive review. But it keeps getting turned down by Amazon’s moderators. Such is life. 🙂
This makes me a little self-conscious because I was already hot and flustered when my printer stopped working – must be a damaged USB lead – and I went berserk. When I was living in Dun Laoghaire during my placement year I was evicted for being histrionic in a way that upset the other tenants. Memories came flooding back of the time at one stage when someone was about to call the Police because of me. It was a ‘Community Watch’ area. One striking memory I have of that estate was seeing people practice Tai Chi on Sunday mornings. I had one Tai Chi class in Antrim about two and a half years ago and only lasted about forty minutes. Impatience is my middle name. 🙂
Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I head to Specialisterne in Belfast to speak to a graphic design mentor. I’ll be there from 2 pm to 4 pm. Hopefully I’ll knock him dead. 🙂
This coming Saturday night I will be watching ‘Give my Head Peace’ Live at a Theatre in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh. If you wouldn’t laugh about this country, you’d cry. 🙂
Now I am a certified InDesign user and feel epic. 🙂
Hopefully once I complete the Photoshop training – having done my illustrator training three weeks ago – I can get a job. Good luck to me; lol.
I remember having to do my final year project write up at University sixteen years ago not having a Scooby about Word formatting; I thought typing courses were beneath me back then. But now I feel that my improved typing skills have allowed me to become a more productive web user and computer expert. I discovered thanks to my instructor a website from a developer who lives in Bushmills, North Antrim, modern Microsoft fonts for Mac that I have also successfully installed on Ubuntu 16.04.01. Lovely jubbly! 🙂
Anyways, the excitement has kept me up all night. I feel like I could take on the world; hope that’s not a sign of hypomania. 🙂
My Christian conviction has nothing WHATSOEVER to do with ‘religion’ or ‘church’. It’s about faith.
I see all the retro-80’s Sexual Nihilism in our media, especially with Celebrity slappers like Ariana Grande and the Jenners, and wonder if the Catholic cover up of child abuse was a smoking gun aimed at dismantling traditional morals. All these dysfunctional gold-diggers are also another smoking gun aimed at ridiculing the sacrament of marriage. Young men have lost motivation in today’s society and don’t see a life beyond pizza and porno. Yet, no one is standing up for us blokes.
Also, our ancestors broke their backs to try and get to heaven. Then the past four or five generations have defaulted themselves into believing that they’re condemned to hell. Why? Because, as far as I’m concerned, Government Education has conditioned children to believe that Adulthood is a life-long prison sentence. This Behemoth has usurped Western values in a tacit, unconscious manner.
Also, the medical evidence that contraception is inextricably linked to depression and anxiety in young women and teenage girls vindicates my faith’s opposition to unnatural family planning. However, it seems that Christians have been muted by the media; leftist bias.
Keep Calm and turn off your TV! 🙂