I am ‘Not Wise,’ as we say in Rural Ulster.
Adulthood in and out of Mental Health has got me to the stage where I need to surrender. My rationale is lowered by my irregular sleep patterns. Lockdown has thrown so much emotion at me, it’s hard to see if things will return to normal.
My life was ruined because I had the MMR jab as a baby. I don’t want the Vaccines shoved down parents’ throats. However, I do know that God will heal the land of those who repent of their sins. It’s an arduous process. But, hey – no pain, no gain.
On Saturday, I was meant to begin a weekend job making PPE masks. However, during the induction, I developed diarrhoea and had to leave before I even started. Then I did a Covid test on Saturday afternoon – after developing symptoms – at Craigavon MOT Centre. Thank God, it was negative. 🙂 However, I need to slow down.
The feeling of disappointment left me suicidal on Saturday. Yesterday – Sunday – I was a mess. However, I feel better this morning. Fizzy Vitamin C tablets are Godsends. (I found out, from a friend, that the pills I contemplated taking wouldn’t have killed me)
Thank God that I can get a haircut this afternoon. Haircuts and shaves always make me feel better. My brother returned home Sunday before last from Derry – he got a 2:1 in Software Development at Magee – and using his beard trimmer was the answer to my prayers. I got one, just like his, on Amazon. But, since he returned home, I have slacked off on the housework a bit.
The most important thing is that I’m above ground, and I still have a chance. I also gave up my walking challenge as my health deteriorated since I began. It’s too warm for a coat, but too wet for a t-shirt. Welcome to Ireland! 😐
Mr Devlin goes to Stormont. (On Canada Day – Somme Day too)
I am still busting my ar$e so often to find work. However, I have a Skype friend from Canada who’s in her Fifties that said she had her first apartment whenever she was 16 and had to learn to fend for herself. Suddenly, I felt a sense of shame.
A lifetime of being stuck at home, because I grew up in a Farming environment and was simply expected to carry on that role, had left me unresourceful and spoiled. It wasn’t until my mum was no longer able to drive, due to both Motor Neurone Disease and Parkinson’s, that I took driving lessons. At first, I was hopeless. I lacked basic ‘Man Skills’ because my mum had to do everything. Plus, my grandfather was fearful of mistakes being made. I grew up with a head full of knowledge and a life full of excuses.
In a few weeks time, a friend of mine from school is gonna paint my walls and ceilings. Again, mummy had to do everything at home. Fear leads to paralysis.
I’m in one of those reflective moods. But wishing things were different won’t solve everything.
I didn’t get the job with Genesis Bakery in Magherafelt, but I am currently undertaking a course in UX/UI with Adobe GenPro. As usual, I am being pretty proactive in the process. Xd is a new challenge for me, it became offical last Friday after being Beta for so long. But I am getting the hang of it now. I do, still, flip the lid quite a bit. :p
Now, the next challenge is to lose weight. I am pretty chunky. I used to chat with this lad from Backpool in England about Darts; he was 16 at the time, 12 years ago. When I added him on Bebo I was soon given stick about how fat I was. But I was able to take it on the chin. Or double-chin. :p
I have my high-speed broadband now, but I do have to pay a king’s ransom for it. Trust me, living in a city is far more affordable than living in the country. But I may have to relocate next year to pursue a career. I’ll be forty in 2019 and the past eleven-odd years have been spent chasing work and getting nowhere. But, then, they do say life begins at forty. When a friend of mine did Death Clock for me back in 1999 they said I would die aged forty. My father was killed in the troubles at age thirty-three, the age Christ was when he was crucified, and I thought that because of that link I would die at the same age John Lennon was when he was killed. Then fear entered my life.
But, now, I feel that I am starting to make an effort to prove the naysayers wrong. 🙂