Reflecting on my life

I am still busting my ar$e so often to find work. However, I have a Skype friend from Canada who’s in her Fifties that said she had her first apartment whenever she was 16 and had to learn to fend for herself. Suddenly, I felt a sense of shame.

A lifetime of being stuck at home, because I grew up in a Farming environment and was simply expected to carry on that role, had left me unresourceful and spoiled. It wasn’t until my mum was no longer able to drive, due to both Motor Neurone Disease and Parkinson’s, that I took driving lessons. At first, I was hopeless. I lacked basic ‘Man Skills’ because my mum had to do everything. Plus, my grandfather was fearful of mistakes being made. I grew up with a head full of knowledge and a life full of excuses.

In a few weeks time, a friend of mine from school is gonna paint my walls and ceilings. Again, mummy had to do everything at home. Fear leads to paralysis.

I’m in one of those reflective moods. But wishing things were different won’t solve everything.

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Bittersweet week

On Tuesday morning, I received an email from Queen’s University in Belfast saying that they’re placing me on a twelve-month waiting list for available jobs. Not wholly there yet. But I’m within touching distance of work. 🙂

However, I found out yesterday from a friend in my art class that an old friend of mine; whom we both knew from the Beacon Centre in Cookstown, was found dead on Tuesday morning. Suspected suicide. That kinda knocked me off last night and I had a long sleep last night, until almost one this afternoon. Then I had to send a mass card to the Beacon Centre and they were away on a day out. I put it through the letterbox.

Also, I saw ‘The Meg’ on Tuesday evening in a Belfast Cinema with a Meetup group. Hooray for pippin. 🙂

Now, I have to feel my feelings. :S

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Didn’t get the job

I didn’t get the job with Deloitte. However, I am grateful that I have Specialisterne NI on my side. Later on today, I’m heading to a job club with them.

Last Friday night, I went to a Country Music Gig at Aughabrack. Turned out, that I had to wait so long for the act to appear I was exhausted and had to head back bang on Midnight. I was talking to a woman from Strabane at the event, but she is probably in a relationship; I think I saw an engagement ring on her. Just my luck. 😐

Country Music Gigs in Ireland are a parallel universe. There was a group of ones, probably in their early twenties, who brought a bottle of Buckfast with them – probably Townies from Strabane. The place was electric. There was even a Hen Party from ones from Claudy direction. Suffice to say, they weren’t lookers. :p

I also, now, have my photos on my portfolio site organised at https://desmonddevlin.myportfolio.com/photos  Didn’t take any photos of those jiving, didn’t have enough space to do so, the place was bunged up in the end.

Also, on Sunday, I went to Dublin for a ‘Coffee Crawl’ Meetup. Someone I knew was on the bus with me at Dungannon. Then I got the DART to Dalkey from Connolly and got directions to the place from a South African Lady who lives there; judging by her accent. It was good to do something more sedate after the madness of the Country Music gig.

Oh, and I got PIP awarded in the end. Not much, but at least it’s something. 🙂

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Doing it myself

I have realised that I need to stop procrastinating so much on the ironing. Asking others to help me with it is also a fruitless exercise, sometimes I can get mad at working mothers. But, ultimately, I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet. Especially as my DLA has now been taken from me. The mandatory reconsideration has taken place. However, I won’t receive supplementary payments due to having no points in my initial review. Such is life.

Last Wednesday’s Interview turned me into a bag of nerves. I himmedand hammed throughout. But a Specialisterne representative was with me. If I don’t receive an offer, I will request feedback. In the meantime I’ve applied for a job closer to home. Plenty of Admin roles for construction firms; with the building of the new bypass outside Toome.

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Job interview coming up

On Wednesday, I have a job interview with Deloitte in Belfast. Tomorrow, Monday, there is an introductory session prior to the interview process. I have learned to suit up, to show up, to grow up. After upsetting others on a Slack channel, I learned to back off and left that channel for the sake of all. I still have difficulty measuring moral and ethical barometers, part of my Asperger’s. But I am learning.

My PIP appeal is still ongoing. However, should I be accepted for the job, the training provided at first MUST be priority number one. This is probably the one opportunity I have been seeking. But, this morning, I scanned the documentation which arrived in yesterday’s, Saturday, mail and emailed it to Advice NI. It’s a contingency plan should I not get the job.

This afternoon I mowed the lawn. Chop wood, carry water.

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Possible job interview?

I received an email this evening from Mindmillasking what specific role I had requested with Deloitte. in Belfast. My choice was the financial aspect. 🙂

Last week I organised to have more money put away in a bond. I have to learn to live within my means.

Also, yesterday, I saw a money spider and my right palm was itchy all day today. Signs that I’ll get money, perhaps?

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Been busy

 

 

These past few months, post-Easter, have been trying for me. I suffered from burnout and didn’t resume mowing the lawn until two and a half weeks ago. There was so much grass to be cut, it took me two days to get it done. On Monday two weeks ago I began, I felt nauseous and rested. Got it done on Tuesday two weeks ago and am now learning to keep up better. Also, my aunt and uncle came last week to sort out the weeds around my garden. They are currently on vacation in Poland.

I didn’t get PIP, gonna appeal. However, I would much rather work. On a more positive note, I have registered with a recruitment programme with Specialisterne NI. Parkinson’s Law, God willing. 🙂

Also, tomorrow, I will talk to my financial advisor to get another bond put in my name. Don’t wanna blow they money I still have. There is progress on an issue regarding a dormant account my gran and mum had in the South of Ireland. But I don’t want to say too much.

My brother has his exams done, but won’t be home until the end of June. In July, he’ll head to New York for a week. He’s the one who is comfortable with work and money. 😐

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