I have disassociated throughout this evening. After thinking of the case, in Ardoyne, where a Mentally-Ill mum stabbed her baby boy to death – her two-year-old daughter is in Intensive Care – and hearing that the Covid spike in Belfast cancelled the Cancer Ward, I felt numb and helpless. Not to mention trying to get a more expensive Giffgaff Goodybag; to get more value for Data.
The NHS site for Dissociative Disorder mentioned Eating Disorders, PTSD and Additional Stress. I may vouch for all three, off the bat. From my own experience, I depended on a Food Bank on Monday; since then, compulsively having bowls of Coco Pops.
I feel that yesterday was a pivotal moment in my life. On Tuesday night, I had ZERO sleep. Then I only had a forty-minute nap. Then I went berserk; after heading to a friend’s place to borrow his laptop (my MacBook Pro has a damaged charger, and I can’t afford a replacement, yet) and I was about to go on a rampage.
My complementary therapist recommended Magnesium supplements for my sleep. I got that. Also, I went to a chemist and got elderberry tablets. For £14.99! (WTF?)
I am putting in so much effort for so little return. How much longer must this continue?
Last Monday, I found out that I got my job back after my Line Manager advocated for me and said to the agency that she was more than happy with my efforts during my first day at work. My past few weeks reminded me of ‘The Simpsons’ whenever the Plant Workers went on strike to keep their Dental Plan; just so that Homer wouldn’t have to pay for Lisa’s new braces. This episode is even closer to home for me as I work for a Community Dental Practice.
I have a spring in my step, once again. There is, suddenly, a method to the madness of my life. I’m contracted until December 20.
I am still busting my ar$e so often to find work. However, I have a Skype friend from Canada who’s in her Fifties that said she had her first apartment whenever she was 16 and had to learn to fend for herself. Suddenly, I felt a sense of shame.
A lifetime of being stuck at home, because I grew up in a Farming environment and was simply expected to carry on that role, had left me unresourceful and spoiled. It wasn’t until my mum was no longer able to drive, due to both Motor Neurone Disease and Parkinson’s, that I took driving lessons. At first, I was hopeless. I lacked basic ‘Man Skills’ because my mum had to do everything. Plus, my grandfather was fearful of mistakes being made. I grew up with a head full of knowledge and a life full of excuses.
In a few weeks time, a friend of mine from school is gonna paint my walls and ceilings. Again, mummy had to do everything at home. Fear leads to paralysis.
I’m in one of those reflective moods. But wishing things were different won’t solve everything.
I didn’t get the job with Genesis Bakery in Magherafelt, but I am currently undertaking a course in UX/UI with Adobe GenPro. As usual, I am being pretty proactive in the process. Xd is a new challenge for me, it became offical last Friday after being Beta for so long. But I am getting the hang of it now. I do, still, flip the lid quite a bit. :p
Now, the next challenge is to lose weight. I am pretty chunky. I used to chat with this lad from Backpool in England about Darts; he was 16 at the time, 12 years ago. When I added him on Bebo I was soon given stick about how fat I was. But I was able to take it on the chin. Or double-chin. :p
I have my high-speed broadband now, but I do have to pay a king’s ransom for it. Trust me, living in a city is far more affordable than living in the country. But I may have to relocate next year to pursue a career. I’ll be forty in 2019 and the past eleven-odd years have been spent chasing work and getting nowhere. But, then, they do say life begins at forty. When a friend of mine did Death Clock for me back in 1999 they said I would die aged forty. My father was killed in the troubles at age thirty-three, the age Christ was when he was crucified, and I thought that because of that link I would die at the same age John Lennon was when he was killed. Then fear entered my life.
But, now, I feel that I am starting to make an effort to prove the naysayers wrong. 🙂
I had an experience already. I’ve spent the last two hours at Dun Laoghaire getting WiFi, and recharging my Android, at a bar beside the Theatre my gig this evening is at and I was getting a Ballygowan Sparkling and crisps when I noticed someone with an American-Style Obey Baseball Cap, which I think are lame, worn the other way round. First I thought it was a young lad, but it was actually a Lesbian out with her pals. Takes all-sorts, I guess.
At Maghera park-and-ride I was talking to a family from Maghera who were getting off at Dublin Airport for a flight to Boston. Then a guy from Lavey, village near Maghera, got on the same bus to get off at Dungannon. He actually recognised me, perhaps he is a father or uncle of an old schoolmate. Who knows?
I managed to get the Irish News in Dublin and got the DART to Dun Laoghaire. €3.25 for a single ticket? WTF?
I voted in the Assembly Election, but cut my losses with my third preference. Not that it makes much difference as Sinn Fein and the DUP are still gonna remain the key players.
About Gerry Adams saying ‘The N Word’ on Twitter, all I can say is that us Culchies call foreigners all the names of the day. Even as gaelige it’s the same. The English are Seaneach; Saxons; the Danes are Dubh ghall; Dark haired Vikings; and the Norwegians are Fionn ghall; Fair haired Vikings. It’s just in us all. 🙂
Today I had a weigh-in from the Dietitian; first appointment since the day before I flew to Paris back in October; and all my hard work giving up sugar paid off. I lost over 15 Pounds and am now under 300 Pounds for the first time in over a Year. Next goal is to get under 20 Stone; 280 Pounds.
Today I had my Health and Safety qualification exam. Yesterday’s induction to Health and Safety went well as both the guy taking it and the Inspector keeping a tab on him were both mighty impressed by me and my attitude; first impressions count. 🙂
Now I feel that, in spite of the gloomy weather and the issue around my car; things are starting to get better.
I have two job applications that could lead to interviews.
The first one is for a Graphic Designer role with The County Antrim Post at their Portglenone Office. They were looking experience in both Photoshop and InDesign. Over the past couple of weeks I have been using InDesign for the first time to get a feel of it. Hopefully it will work out; I attached a portfolio of work I done on InDesign alongside the Resumé (CV as we call it) in order to prove I’m not BSing them.
The second is for a Dental Practice at Ballymoney as a receptionist. I added a bit more to my cover letter by saying that I could say, “Hello!” in Polish, Lithuanian and Latvian; the three main Eastern European groups living in Northern Ireland. Their selection process is still under review due to the huge numbers applying.
My situation with housing benefit is such that losing it would mean paying the equivalent of a mortgage due to paying both Rent and Assisted Living Allowance. In the end I would have to move to private accommodation to look for Full Time Work.
Had an issue with my Gran today taking her to Tesco. I thought her notes; from the 90’s; were obsolete. She took that as an insult. God love her.
I also had to post a Mass Card for the Wife of our former Accountant who died last week of Cancer. Our Cleaner told me and Gran that today. We had no idea.
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