My Mental Health issues allowed me to soak up all the negative s**t that TV and my society offered. Several times, I saw black people and had the urge to shout ‘The N-Word’ – or other derogatory terms for them – as that was the first thing that entered my head. I wasn’t racist. It was just the sign of a confused child not knowing how things are in the big wide world.
At University and my work placement in Dublin, I went out of my way to be friendly with coloured people. While, deep down inside, I was hearing, “Go back to your own country!” Then, I allow myself punishment for those thoughts.
In Ireland, racist obseneties are everywhere. However, we got away with most of it because we played the ‘Thick Mick’ stereotype well. But now, our conutry has the same issues with identity and immigration as others. The reality of economic development.
Now, I wish that Mental Health isn’t portrayed as whiter-than-white. Rather, it should be portrayed as human. With human failings. Also, why bring up the issue with racism in Football now whenever these issues had been ongoing for over forty years? It has been raised at a delicate moment whenever issues of identity are first-and-foremost.
Source of GIF Dee Kay Kwon
Christmas was quiet but enjoyable. I did get to see Home Alone at Dun Laoghaire Theatre’s Cinema Screen; reminiscing about the ‘Good Old Days’ prior to the Internet and 9/11. I even thought of a sonnet based on a joke I had created saying that if Kevin was a kid today he would eat the Tide that he bought. 🙂
New Year, same old me. 🙂 But I lost weight over the Christmas period. Now that I’m ‘Back to Porridge’, I am tempted to rationalise eating junk again to ‘celebrate’ my weight loss over the Christmas Period. My mind and I belong together. 🙂
This morning – Tuesday, January 08 – I had registered with another recruitment agency. Keep on plodding along. Plus, I applied for what seems like a role too good to be true in Cookstown. If it isn’t what it says on the tin, so be it.
My friend who painted my walls and ceilings did my guttering this morning while I was away in Portadown. That’s another load off my mind. I know that things will work out in 2019 if I ignore all the hullabaloo over ‘Armageddon’ following Brexit, lol.
Tunes: (and more)
I’ll be on my own this Christmas. However, I’m content with that. Though, I may visit my friend from the art class and have a good chat. But isolation is a major issue for me. Solitude is more than a Soccer Ground in North Belfast. 🙂
My job ended on Thursday – 20 December – and, in a surreal manner, I’m mourning the loss of that job more than I mourned the loss of my gran. Though it doesn’t compare to whenever I lost my mum. I did such a stellar effort in the job I feel that whenever I’m onto a winner, some spanner is placed in the works. Such is life.
Tomorrow, I head to Dublin as the Pavilion Theatre in Dun Laoghaire is screening the original Home Alone Movie. I have NEVER seen it prior, not even on TV. This is inner child work for me. 🙂
I have come to accept modern Christmases. The family separation, the crass consumerism, the sudden dip in form for Arsenal. 😉 It’s as if life on life terms makes us more philosophical.
Last Monday, I found out that I got my job back after my Line Manager advocated for me and said to the agency that she was more than happy with my efforts during my first day at work. My past few weeks reminded me of ‘The Simpsons’ whenever the Plant Workers went on strike to keep their Dental Plan; just so that Homer wouldn’t have to pay for Lisa’s new braces. This episode is even closer to home for me as I work for a Community Dental Practice.
I have a spring in my step, once again. There is, suddenly, a method to the madness of my life. I’m contracted until December 20.
Bad news: (Bad news ALWAYS comes first)
I had to resign from the job in Portadown I got over a bureaucratic rigmarole regarding Occupational Health at the agency involved declining a fit for work certificate required. After contacting the agency and health professionals, it was too much stress and strain in the end. Therefore I resigned and the agency will keep searching for other roles that don’t require that fit for work certificate.
I was paid for the two days I did work last week. 🙂
I have finally found a job, which I begin tomorrow; Thursday, November 01.
It’s an Admin role with the Southern Health Trust at Portadown Health Centre – on Thursdays and Fridays – and Brownlow Health Centre (between Rushmere Shopping Centre and Lurgan) on Wednesdays. Three days-per-week, nine-to-five. Contracted until Christmas; but, if I do well enough, they might keep me on. 😉
This role was as if it was plucked from the sky. I happened to notice it on NI Jobfinder’s website last Wednesday morning and on Friday the agency involved called me to say they were willing to offer me the job; without the need for an interview. 🙂
Onwards and upwards. 🙂
I am still busting my ar$e so often to find work. However, I have a Skype friend from Canada who’s in her Fifties that said she had her first apartment whenever she was 16 and had to learn to fend for herself. Suddenly, I felt a sense of shame.
A lifetime of being stuck at home, because I grew up in a Farming environment and was simply expected to carry on that role, had left me unresourceful and spoiled. It wasn’t until my mum was no longer able to drive, due to both Motor Neurone Disease and Parkinson’s, that I took driving lessons. At first, I was hopeless. I lacked basic ‘Man Skills’ because my mum had to do everything. Plus, my grandfather was fearful of mistakes being made. I grew up with a head full of knowledge and a life full of excuses.
In a few weeks time, a friend of mine from school is gonna paint my walls and ceilings. Again, mummy had to do everything at home. Fear leads to paralysis.
I’m in one of those reflective moods. But wishing things were different won’t solve everything.