No more trips to Belfast (for now)

I have to take a break from visiting Belfast as I need to batten down the hatches, financially. The stress and strain of heading out there for Meetups is getting the better of me. My main priority for now is planning for my car’s MOT. Waiting for the letter to arrive.

My last trip to Belfast was a fortnight ago to see John Cooper Clarke. Most of what he did was exactly the same as his gig in Dun Laoghaire three years ago. Plus, I spent such a long time in Belfast, I had to leave early to get the eleven PM bus back to Toomebridge.

I went to a depression support group on Tuesday. It was in Gracehill – between Ahoghill and Ballymena. However, it was too far away for me and evening appointments trigger my anxiety.

The Condition Management Programme, however, might open doors for me. 🙂

Also, my brother turned thirty last weekend. He got the cake I sent for him on Tuesday.

Plus, I have to depend on the WordPress app for maintenance of this blog. That makes things more difficult.

Tunes:

John Cooper Clarke – Hire Car

Joe South – Games People Play

The Happy Mondays – Kinky Afro

Advertisements

Drinking the Gatorade (Sonnet I wrote about the Stormont Impasse)

The Peloton Patricians

every Sunday morning

marking their territory like dogs

all across the Lough Neagh shores!

 

Those who think voting still works

drinking the Gatorade

thinking they have it made!

But our values are compromised

while assembly seats are prized

Orange and Green define the Matrix!

Walk to Stormont, if you must

for some things will always be the same!

The only way to win

is to stop playing the game!

 

Being considered for Condition Management Programme

Condition Management Programme – Northern Ireland

 

I had to turn down THREE offers for an interview to prepare for this scheme, for twelve weeks, as my employment advisor said that I am not currently work-ready. However, I have other plans for my life. After heading across various places on Meetups and other trips, I guess I have to slow down. Not just for my health but also as I can no longer sustain my current lifestyle.

My only concern is the issue surrounding my benefits. I am only entitled to PIP – as it isn’t means tested – and this scheme used to be subject to means-tested benefits. God willing, they will have removed that precondition.

Also, I have plans for getting a cake for my brother’s thirtieth birthday. Watch this space.

Tunes:

 

 

Taking a Rest for Jobseeking

I was advised last Wednesday – February 20 – by my Employment Advisor to take a break from looking for work. At the end of the day, she was vindicated. For so long, I had run myself to the ground looking for work left, right and centre. But the last interview I had – February 18 – didn’t materialise in an offer. Plus, it was work for a company whose work makes me feel uncomfortable.

I plan to resume painting. Watch this space. Also, I am undergoing counselling. Getting used to self-care.

Tunes:

 

 

In empathy with Liam Neeson

My Mental Health issues allowed me to soak up all the negative s**t that TV and my society offered. Several times, I saw black people and had the urge to shout ‘The N-Word’ – or other derogatory terms for them – as that was the first thing that entered my head. I wasn’t racist. It was just the sign of a confused child not knowing how things are in the big wide world.

At University and my work placement in Dublin, I went out of my way to be friendly with coloured people. While, deep down inside, I was hearing, “Go back to your own country!” Then, I allow myself punishment for those thoughts.

In Ireland, racist obseneties are everywhere. However, we got away with most of it because we played the ‘Thick Mick’ stereotype well. But now, our conutry has the same issues with identity and immigration as others. The reality of economic development.

Now, I wish that Mental Health isn’t portrayed as whiter-than-white. Rather, it should be portrayed as human. With human failings. Also, why bring up the issue with racism in Football now whenever these issues had been ongoing for over forty years? It has been raised at a delicate moment whenever issues of identity are first-and-foremost.

Tunes:

 

 

Keep coming back for more

1_fo_mh_dsmybmwwjewkhycq

Source of GIF Dee Kay Kwon

Christmas was quiet but enjoyable. I did get to see Home Alone at Dun Laoghaire Theatre’s Cinema Screen; reminiscing about the ‘Good Old Days’ prior to the Internet and 9/11. I even thought of a sonnet based on a joke I had created saying that if Kevin was a kid today he would eat the Tide that he bought. 🙂

New Year, same old me. 🙂 But I lost weight over the Christmas period. Now that I’m ‘Back to Porridge’, I am tempted to rationalise eating junk again to ‘celebrate’ my weight loss over the Christmas Period. My mind and I belong together. 🙂

This morning – Tuesday, January 08 – I had registered with another recruitment agency. Keep on plodding along. Plus, I applied for what seems like a role too good to be true in Cookstown. If it isn’t what it says on the tin, so be it.

My friend who painted my walls and ceilings did my guttering this morning while I was away in Portadown. That’s another load off my mind. I know that things will work out in 2019 if I ignore all the hullabaloo over ‘Armageddon’ following Brexit, lol.

Tunes: (and more)

 

 

Christmas on my Own-io

I’ll be on my own this Christmas. However, I’m content with that. Though, I may visit my friend from the art class and have a good chat. But isolation is a major issue for me. Solitude is more than a Soccer Ground in North Belfast. 🙂

My job ended on Thursday – 20 December – and, in a surreal manner, I’m mourning the loss of that job more than I mourned the loss of my gran. Though it doesn’t compare to whenever I lost my mum. I did such a stellar effort in the job I feel that whenever I’m onto a winner, some spanner is placed in the works. Such is life.

Tomorrow, I head to Dublin as the Pavilion Theatre in Dun Laoghaire is screening the original Home Alone Movie. I have NEVER seen it prior, not even on TV. This is inner child work for me. 🙂

I have come to accept modern Christmases. The family separation, the crass consumerism, the sudden dip in form for Arsenal. 😉 It’s as if life on life terms makes us more philosophical.

Tunes: